POOP the Movie

Live comedy in Times Square, NYC
- CLICK HERE for Stand-up Comedy
- CLICK HERE for Improv Comedy
Click links for calendar of shows. Select date/time to purchase tickets

Broadway Comedy Club
318 West 53rd Street
New York, NY 10019

 

 

Funny Success Quotes

If at first you don’t succeed… skydiving is not for you

If at first you don’t succeed … Lower your standards

If at first you don’t succeed… your not Chuck Norris.

If at first you don’t succeed.. destroy all the evidence that shows you tried

Success.. trying is the first step toward failure

If at first you don’t succeed… order pizza

Success is like pregnancy.. everybody congratulates you but no one knows how many times you were screwed. 

If at first you don’t succeed, do it the way your wife told you to.

Funny Comedian Quotes

“I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately” – George Carlin

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”- Lily Tomlin

“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.” - Johnny Carson

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” - Ellen DeGeneres

“With a stop light, green means ‘go’ and yellow means ‘slow down’. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means ‘go’, green means ‘whoa, slow down’, and red means ‘where the heck did you get that banana?’ -Mitch Hedberg

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” -Steven Wright

Funny Valentines Day Quotes

Valentines Day! It’s that time of year again. Yep.. This time of year that means if you haven’t taken down your Christmas decorations, they will probably be up for Easter.
Here are some funny Valentines Day/Love Quotes to make your day better.. or worse. PLEASE NOTE: SOME OF THESE ARE NSFW!

“Roses are Red
Violets are blue
Vodka cost less
Than dinner for two”

“Roses are red
Violets are VIOLET..DUH”

“Roses are red
Violets are blue
Too many Sweettarts
Make me poo”

NO woman will be happy on Valentines Day unless she finds a man with a chocolate penis that ejaculates money

Love is like a backache – it doesn’t show up on xrays but you know its there
– George Burns

Your Valentines gift to me was SO GOOD that I’m now suspicious that you’ve been cheating

I love you will all of my butt.. I would say heart but my butts bigger

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
— Lily Tomlin

“To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.”

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.– Tim Allen

I hope my casual jokes about my cat being my valentine, make is seem less sad that my cat actually is my valentine

Screw Valentines day.. I’m just waiting for the 75% off chocolates on Feb 15th

“Roses are expensive
Violets are dumb
Chocolates are Fattening
Just give me Rum!”

If you’re sad about being alone on Valentines Day just remember nobody loves you on any other day of the year either

Your street won’t be the only thing getting plowed this Valentines day.. BOOM!

I’d love you, even if you were so ugly that everyone died

You’re my favorite thing to do on Valentines day

This Valentines Day I want to take control of your body as much as the Republican party does.

Rest assured, no matter how crappy your Valentines Day is, Instagram can make it look good.

Take comfort know that your valentines day as a single person will still be more interesting than the Valentines Day of a married person.

“Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
If you were a booger
I’d pick you!”

I just saved a bunch of money on Valentines Day by switching to single