Washington Post’s Mensa invitational Wordplay winners

http://www.washingtonpostsmensainvitational.com/

For years an email has been circulating about the “Washington Post’s Mensa invitational” which includes a very clever list of words made by changing common words.

The most recent email circulation listed the “2009 winners”.   Those of you who have received this email probably noticed it was very similar to the “2008 winners”.  In fact, they’re also very similar to many of the 1998 winners!  (UPDATE: The very same “2014″ list is now in circulation – check Google!)

1.  Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2.  Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3.  Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.  Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5.  Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6.  Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7.  Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8.  Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9.  Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10.  Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11.  Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12.  Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
17. Detailed, v. The act of removing a dog or cat’s tail.
18. Castigate, v. To throw a wire fence into the ocean in hopes of catching fish.
19. Express, v. A former member of the press.
20. Materialize, n. Eye-glasses manufactured from cotton, wool or rayon.

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:

  1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
  2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
  3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
  4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
  5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
  6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
  7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
  8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
  10. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
  11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
  12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
  13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
  14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
  15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  16. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

  1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
  2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
  3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
  5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
  6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
  7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
  8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
  9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
  10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
  11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
  12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
  13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
  14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
  15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

LMAO NYC FALL Classes Start September 12 at the Broadway Comedy Club NYC

CLICK HERE for calendar of classes. Select Date / Time for discounted registration
questions about classes? Email eightimprov@gmail.com

QUICK LINK – LIVE Stand-Up Comedy in NYC CLICK HERE for discount ticket calendar
QUICK LINK – LIVE Improv Comedy in NYC CLICK HERE for discount ticket calendar

Unless otherwise noted, all classes held at the Broadway Comedy Club 318 West 53rd Street NY NY 10019. Close to all Columbus Circle and  Times Square trains and buses.

LIST of FALL OFFERINGS for ADULTS

MORNING IMPROV JAM – Adults 18 & over
Saturdays 10am October 3 – November 21
Come out and play. Moderated by Patrick Reidy, Walt Frasier and/or other professional teaching artists from the ranks of LMAO. Every week we play warm-up, technique building and performance games. Last 30-minutes of every class is players’ choice. Class is poled for their favorite game and we play it! Free Coffee, Bottled Water and other Breakfast snacks provided upon arrival. Regular participants invited to monthly performance showcases on the stages of the Broadway Comedy Club NYC.
Drop in for $30 or pay $100/month.
Teacher – Varies every week
CLICK HERE for calendar and discount registration

NEW TEAM FORMATION SESSIONS
Sundays NOON October 4, 11, 18, 25
4-week program is designed to bring individual players together to create new teams. Looking for a new team? Looking for new teams to play to expand your reach? These sessions are designed for an intermediate level performer looking for direction. Patrick Reidy has directed many NYC teams and currently serves as Artistic/Casting Director for LMAO and numerous long-form showcases at the Broadway Comedy Club. Fee includes team-up, team direction, rehearsal space and guaranteed stage time on one or many status. After session completion, teams can continue to participate at showcases and negotiate additional direction as needed.
$100 for 4-week session
CLICK HERE for calendar and discount registration

MUSICAL IMPROV 1
Sundays 2pm October 4, 11, 18, 25
Every week, Walt Frasier will introduce and jam to various Musical Improv song styles – Jig, Blues, Rap, March, Doo-Wop, Madrigal, Opera, Broadway Musical, and more. Every session will begin with a simple vocal warm-up. To continue warm-up class will improvise a popular musical style or review of a style from previous week. We will have 1-2 new forms introduced every week – complete with info sheets on chord structures, rhyme scheme and tricks to master that song style. Class will end with jam of students’ choice. Those that attend all four classes will be invited to showcase November 1.
$100 for 4-week session
Teacher Walt Frasier
CLICK HERE for calendar and discount registration

LIST of FALL OFFERINGS for TEENS

AFTER SCHOOL TEEN IMPROV FUNTENSIVE
THURSDAYS 4pm October 1, 8, 15, 22
4 weeks of professional level Improv Comedy training for teens. The goal is to prepare this group of talented teens for a live performance in four weeks. Warm-up, technique and performance games played and mastered every week. No experience necessary but instruction is geared towards an advanced beginner / intermediate level.
$100 for 4-week session
Teacher Walt Frasier
CLICK HERE for calendar and discount registration

COMEDY 4 TEENS 13-17
Saturday Mornings 10am September 12 – October 31
Bonus Class Nov 7 10am ; Performance Showcase Nov 14 10:30
8 weeks includes instruction in Improv & Stand-Up Comedy. Every week students will play Warm-up, technique and performance games. Last 30-45 minutes of each class is a pseudo open mic session. Students start by sharing a story with the class, then through direction, improv and re-write craft that story into original stand-up comedy monologue material.  Some students turn the stories into sketches. NEW this fall, we will be inviting our more experienced student to create sketches to be filmed and shared via YOUTUBE (must get parent approval for each student)
$200 for 8 week program
Teacher Patrick Reidy
CLICK HERE for calendar and discount registration

LIST of FALL OFFERINGS for KIDS / TWEENS

COMEDY 4 TWEENS (Comedy 4 Kids II) AGES 10-12
Saturday Mornings 10am September 12 – October 31
Bonus Class Nov 7 10am ; Performance Showcase Nov 14 10:30
8 weeks includes instruction in Improv & Stand-Up Comedy. Every week students will play Warm-up, technique and performance games. Last 30-45 minutes of each class is a pseudo open mic session. Students start by sharing a story with the class, then through direction, improv and re-write craft that story into original stand-up comedy monologue material.
$200 for 8 week program
Teacher Andrew Del Vecchio
CLICK HERE for calendar and discount registration

COMEDY 4 KIDS Ages 7-10
Saturday Mornings NOON September 12 – October 31
Bonus Class Nov 7 NOON ; Performance Showcase Nov 14 12:30
8 weeks includes instruction in Improv & Stand-Up Comedy. Every week students will play Warm-up, technique and performance games. Last 30-45 minutes of each class is a pseudo open mic session. Students start by sharing a story with the class, then through direction, improv and re-write craft that story into original stand-up comedy monologue material.
$200 for 8 week program
Teacher Liz Lord
CLICK HERE for calendar and discount registration

 

TEACHERS & STAFF

waltfrasierbizcard

Catch Walt Frasier this Summer on TruTV’s “Friends Of The People” now in their 2nd season. Go to Netflix – RIGHT NOW!!! – to see Walter in Lilyhammer (Season 3, Episode 8) as the American comic performing at Steven Van Zandt’s Norwegian club. Also now on Netflix – Blue Bloods (Season 3, Episode 8) see Walter in spandex body suit in first 5 minutes as Arnie the Homeless Avenger. Royal Pains (Season 6 Episode 3) as the Choking Victim. Past credits include sketch bits on Letterman (9 episodes Various sketch bits), Stankervision (MTV2 Sketch Comedy), Naked Brother’s Band (NICK and short THE JOKE with George Lopez), Hair Trauma (WE) and numerous commercials including Dr. Oz’s Fat Pants. Theater Credits include Off Broadway, Touring and Regional Theater, Opera plus over 4000 professional Improv Comedy Shows with EIGHT IS NEVER ENOUGH (AKA LMAO Off Broadway. Improv 4 Kids, Improv 4 Teens, Absent Minded Comedy).

Follow @waltfrasier on Twitter – IF YOU DARE

 

Artistic Director, PATRICK REIDY is an actor, comedian, musician, and improviser in NYC.  He can currently be seen as a host and improv comedian at the Broadway Comedy Club for the Eight Is Never Enough and LMAO-NYCInteractive Comedy Shows as well as touring with their family friendly cousin, Improv 4 Kids.  He is also an established improv teacher, having taught for the Comedy Hall Of Fame and independent residences throughout the five boroughs.  As a sketch writer and performer his work has been featured onFunny Or DieCollege Humor, and the Absent Minded Comedy Show.  He is a graduate of Salem State University and has studied improv, sketch-writing, stand-up, and screenwriting at the Upright Citizens BrigadeThe Peoples Improv Theatre,andThe Annoyance Theater.  Yes, and he would love to help you with your next artistic project!

Follow Pat on Twitter:
https://twitter.com/thepatreidy

DelVechhio_Andrew_1548_xret

Andrew Del Vecchio is a New York based actor, improv performer, and improv teacher. After graduating Celebration High School and being part of it’s inaugural season of the Off Book Productions theatre group he received a degree in Theatre Performance from the University of South Florida. He has been performing with Eight is Never Enough since the spring of 2011 and has also been teaching with the Comedy Hall of Fame Foundation for over 2 years. Notable projects: Critters Castaway (Busch Gardens Tampa), FILM: The Last 5 Years, Lie Maintenance, Rhapsody, The Amazing Spider-man 2 TV: Deception ONLINE: Fine Fiiine Production. You can follow him on his Facebook fan page or on Twitter, Instagram, and Vine at @AndrewJDV


Liz Lord has been a cast member of Eight is Never Enough presents Improv for Kids and LMAO since April of 2012. After receiving her theater degree from Earlham College, Liz came to the city to act, direct, and teach.  Favorite roles include Ophelia in Hamlet, Liz in Chicago, and She in The Loveliest Afternoon of the Year. She loves performing in new work as well, and has been on stage for many of New York Cities various theater festivals.  Liz has directed adults and children, and is the co-artistic director of the newly formed Three Bridges Theater.  Teaching has always been one of Liz’s favorite endeavors. She has worked with Americorps to bring arts education to low income families, taught literacy through acting with the Central Park Historical Society, and acted as an assistant director for the Sports and Arts in Schools Foundation.  Her favorite teaching position, however, has been teaching stand-up and Improv to kids with SGF Productions.

 

STUDENT INTERNS

Steven Prestia

Steven Prestia is currently with Lauren Singer Talent.  He has appeared in various local plays and musical theater productions in addition to his comedic talents.   He can be seen in the indie film “The Great Kevini” and will soon appear on the HonestlyAmelia.com web series (S2 E4).  He is currently an Intern/Assistant Teacher with Improv 4 Kids on Saturday mornings and can be found performing at the Broadway Comedy Club with the Eight is Never Enough comedy troupe on select Saturday afternoons.

Brandon Ford has been a student of EIGHT IS NEVER ENOUGH / LMAO since high school, where Brandon was a leader in the in-school weekly classes at Springfield Gardens, Queens, NY. Upon graduation high school, Brandon joined the team at schools and the Times Square club, performing along side the pros in K-12 out-reach shows and assistant classes and workshops.

TOP 10 Dirty Rated R street signs

Driving around the world we are shocked every day by signs. We risk whip lash with multiple takes to make sure we read correctly. Most of the photos are not taken by me but I have seen most of these, if not worse, in my travels doing comedy and theater the past 20 years…

1. Badcock Furniture

badcock furniture and more LOGO

Always my favorite driving through Florida… Seriously, driving down south you get a lot of signs that make you wonder, “Where are the bible freaks on this one?”

2. Mega Flicks

megaflicks

Perhaps this store should have picked a different font?

3. Fuk Mi Sushi

fucksushi

I often wonder if certain business titles of foreign language decent mess with us on purpose. I see Asian restaurants all the time that make me do a hard double take. Or is this one of those Sushi stripper buffets?

4. Big Dick’s Halfway Inn

d_bigdicks

You know Richard was mighty proud of himself after posting this for all to see. Although if all he has are minnows, I would not brag.

5. Big Dick’s Dry Rub

bigdicks

Not to be out done… I prefer a little sauce however! At least toss a salad first.

6. Hooker’s Funeral Home

fun-7

Hey, we all have to go sometime, but what city has enough dead hookers to support a full time business. Perhaps this niche is too limiting. Or perhaps they take strippers and pimps too.

7. Ass Hair Salon

dirty-business-ass-hair

Would not want the job of the guy that sweeps up the hair. And if anyone asks for a perm, I’m out!!!

8. Dyke’s Lumber

dykes

Got Wood? This cracks me up every time I pass it on Route 17 in New Jersey. Can we get a Dykes open up next to a Dick’s Sporting goods and a BJs club. Boy how they would fight all the time.

9. Chewy Balls

chewyballs

So if I am correct, this is a Chelsea Handler Lately side kick thinking, “Alec Baldwin was on to something!” Hope they are not meatballs. Chewy would not be my preferred texture. For the record, FAO Shwartz candy store – in the basement at 59th and 5th under the big piano – sells Pete’s Famous Schweddy Balls. I would have purchased but on a diet.

10. Cocks Summer Camp

cocks

Hey kids, where do you want to go this year? Camp features wonderful activities like Ring Toss, Swinging across the river and Human Centipede.